Define a rewarding life on your own terms

The mixed messages we give young adults about success can lead to anxiety and depression.

On a recent trip to Chicago as chaperone to 100 junior and senior high school students, I was able to witness a Master Class given by a professor from Northwestern University. He was terrific. The students were engaged, laughed at his jokes, and were eager to make the most of his instruction. It was a peek into what college-level instruction could be and the step up that college represents from high school. Things took a turn, however, when at the end of the class a junior clarinet player asked him about the acceptance rate of Northwestern University. When he informed the students it was only 7%, their backs slumped, and the air, which he insisted was free, leaked out of them. Their backs bent further when he told them tuition was over $80,000 per year. At that point, the class looked ready to crawl out of the room. His jokes, and the enthusiasm for music he wanted to impart, fell flat as their prospects for attending an elite university settled home. This hour of instruction was likely the last time any of them would be in a room with someone of his caliber.

As Jessica Grose describes in her New York Times opinion piece, Why Those Super Low College Admissions Rates Can Be Misleading, colleges are proud of their low acceptance rates. Grose states, “But what I do worry about is the stress, sometimes even despair, that these admissions numbers seem to generate.” What I saw in the classroom that morning seems to bolster her point. Grose goes on to explain how these numbers are manipulated and describes the intentional opaqueness of the admissions process. Why would colleges play this game? The answer is that $80,000 a year. How else could a university possibly justify the price tag without making each student believe they are the elite?

David Owen writes in his New Yorker feature The Great Electrician Shortage about why a strong mentorship program for electricians, plumbers, and welders is crucial to supporting the ambitious climate goals of the Inflation Reduction Act. Connecticut is leading the nation in supporting young adults in these fields with a state-sponsored program that isn’t subject to the vagaries of local school boards. The connection between these jobs and the ability of the country to accomplish its infrastructure goals, such as increasing energy-efficient building, had not occurred to me. Like many parents who owe their careers to a college education, the bulk of my attention has been focused on the college track for my children. However, the cost of college, the anxiety it causes, and the uncertain career prospects post-college have made me question why we continue to press college as the only means of achieving success.

If your definition of a rewarding life is having connections within your community, strong and supportive relationships, and meaningful work, it may be time to think about whether college is the only way to attain these things. The stress placed on college has not only ballooned personal debt, but it has taken a toll on our mental health. Nearly every survey in the last decade has shown anxiety and depression increasing in all age groups, most rapidly in young adults. The reasons for this trend are complex. It’s not my intention to claim the rise in college tuition is the sole cause. The correlation, however, is enough to prod me to take a closer look at what message will be the most effective in ensuring success for young adults and their parents. If the message is that your life is going to be mediocre unless you’re in the top 5%, be prepared for a lot of unhappiness.

An alternative message that emphasizes life-long learning, self-definition outside of career, and connection with the people and activities that mean the most to you, might be better if we want to improve the climate and our mental health.